“Time heals everything, but does it really?”,Surakshya Pradhan, Runner up, Wordism, Bhadra

Writer : Surakshya Pradhan

“It’s over, okay?” he shouted.

“So, these two years of our relationship meant nothing to you?” she asked, in a voice so tired and brittle, she hardly recognized it was her voice.

“YES, it didn’t mean a darn thing to me. Now, do me a favor, and please, for god’s sake don’t call me again” he said, and hung up the phone.

She heard the call end, now, all she felt was empty. Before the call, she was so sure she could change his mind, they were a happy couple. True, they argued and fought from time to time, but, which relationship didn’t have arguments and fights? She was so sure, like every time before, they’d be okay. Still, holding her cell phone with a death grip to her chest, she cried, silently. As the night passed, she drifted to sleep with her heart broken, self-esteem shattered and, a wet pillow.

Buzz Buzz Buzz
It was seven in the morning, when she stirred from her sleep.

“I hope he remembers he has a test today” she thought and smiled, only to remind her hopeless heart of the night before and cried some more.

A month had passed, and truth-be-told, she didn’t feel any better. Time heals everything, but does it really? Does it without leaving a hollow mark? She felt, well nothing. She worked like a robot, she woke up, did her chores, attended all her class barely hearing a word, she had lost her appetite for food, for everything. She loved him, and he did too, but he fell out of love just like how he had fallen in.

She hoped, it would hurt less eventually. She was tired of trying to heal, reading about the five stages of grief, she had no idea in what stage she was in, it felt to her, like the five stages were happening all at once, a part of her had accepted the fact that they were done, a part was angry; how could he do that to her, a part was heart wrecked in her misery, a part was still in denial and a part was still bargaining that one day he would just show up at her door-step, apologizing and then, it would be, all like before.

Three months had passed, and she was feeling, well a little better than before. She made efforts to make conversation with her friends, made efforts to smile. Though, the smile only felt brittle to her.
One late afternoon, she was walking back home, when, she had the glimpse of him, four-month post their relationship had ended. He was holding hands of his ex-girlfriend, and he was smiling at her.

All hell broke loose.

The self-control and self- defense, she thought she had gained with time, was all at once, wrecked.
She felt sad and anger, broken and betrayed, and so stupid.

She was shaking with rage and betrayal, then, she ran, as fast as she could, she made rounds-and rounds of her neighborhood. Her legs felts like they were burning, she was breathing hard and fast and she was drenched in sweat, she was tired, so exhausted of everything, she wished she could just disappear completely. She stopped running, and laid down in the ground, and watched the late afternoon turn to evening.

A week after, in her English class she recited a poem she wrote :

She
She burns so bright,
With her soul so dark,
so lonely
She’s silent,
With her mind so loud,
Thoughts so scattered
She hides her eyes
Shows her smile,
So brittle,
So tired
She’s a stray,
She doesn’t stay
She’s a ruin,
But she ruins herself
She has scars,
She wears them like her jewel,
She’s an art
Broken, Ugly
Beautiful and deep
She’s her ruin,
She’s her hero

After she’d recited, she sat down in her chair, the boy who sat behind her nudged her. She looked back at him, he looked in her eyes and said “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

She just smiled.

Yes, she had lost him, but she found someone much more important than him, she found herself.

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