The Dilemma, Contradictions & The Constant Battle – Puja Yadav, Winner, Wordism S3, Falgun

Sometimes there is no other option than just giving up. Coming this far hasn’t been this easy. And to go forward there isn’t any motivation left. I know to a lot of you it’ll be silly and simple but for the ones going through this, it ain’t an easy path to walk through. Our life is invisibly chained with the restrictions which doesn’t seem like a big deal, but what to do, unfortunately, it is.

Physically, it seems we are privileged enough to be getting all the attention in the name of gender equality. And when you go through the details, only you will realize what shitty mess it is to be in that space. I don’t want to play with data and numbers. I don’t want to urge you to do any awareness programs on gender equality, do rallies, do this and that, but there is one thing I would like to ask you as a favour. For a moment, just stop little in the ongoing flow of time, sit back calmly, and introspect about the condition of your own home. Think about your mother, sister, wife, or any female member, just thinking about them, I’m sure it will give you chills. And if you can go any further, once try to be in their shoes and reflect their conditions. Do just this much. You will experience that invisible thing and understand what I’m trying to talk about. Charity begins from home.

Apparently, in my condition, even if I have got to study this far, there is a huge price I have to pay for that. “”You can study howmuchever you want, you can have all the knowledge in the world, yet, you are not suppose to be crying for change or be rebellious for even the most inhumane act you may be subjected to because that will bring shame to your family and society””, this is what I’m reminded continuously. That even if I achieve the unachievable, I still don’t have the freedom of decision making. This is modern slavery perhaps. You may argue that being an educated person, I must fight for my rights and freedom. But I don’t want to fight. I give up. I accept that modern slavery.

I don’t want to shatter the dreams of those eyes which has spent numerous sleepless nights just to see me here today. I don’t want to shatter their pride in me that they have earned through their relentless struggle and sacrifices. While the centre of my life may be something else, I’m the centre of their whole existence they have cherished together through thick and thin. How can I be so insensitive to snatch away the very basis of their life? Life is not about isolating yourself from your family and community who has defined you as a person by constantly fighting against the injustice they put you through. Should our life be only confined to fighting for our rights? And by that we don’t even have the little right to pursue our own aspirations in life.

But I have my dreams too. I want to live my life on my own terms. I have envisaged my life differently. Their and mine definition of life are poles apart. I feel terrorised just by observing their life, which is utter melancholy of slavery and injustice. This innocent child in me grew up in that environment and certain incidents still has strong imprints of fear and terror in the mind. The worst nightmare is only that one day, I’ll have to go through the same.

While externally, there are enough activism going on, I don’t see anyone even noticing the constant inner turmoil we are going through. Trust me you won’t be able to bear the amount of psychological turmoils we are subjected to, the moral and emotional dilemmas we are thrown into, the mental battle we are forced into.

I don’t want to be heroic, I just want that little peace of mind.

The whole burden of heroism and the world of morality shouldn’t be on the shoulders of women only. We don’t want to be superheroes and superpowers and super gods. We don’t want to be addressed as heroes when we survive domestic violence, rape and sexual abuse. We don’t want to be termed as super powerful just because we give birth and have periods every month. When in reality we don’t have any freedom and are only subjected to chained walls of restrictions. When the only thing it does is put undue pressure on us. When we can’t even choose our own way to speak and laugh. When we don’t even have the decision making authority to go out of our house without permission no matter how much grown up we are. Let alone other significant decisions of life. First your own family and then your in-laws. When your internal life is messed up to this extent, what could we expect of our external lives in this cruel world?

Survival stories, in this case, aren’t to be celebrated, if only you could internalize the unnecessary sufferings we are subjected to in those stories.

Let us just be humans, a Normal Human. Can you even accept us that way? Can you just let us survive as humans in a harmonious environment without having to constantly go for this or that battles?

Question answer with Puja

1. Tell us more about you.

Academically dwelling in business studies and trying to make something out of her tiny life for humanity, Puja loves to wander in her faraway bookland and weave the words into something she thinks she can take pride in.

2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?

That through my writing I’ll be able to impact the world where we live in. Writing has always been my solace and I thought this solace needed to be shared.

3. What are your dreams and aspiration?

Someone who aspires to live her life the way she has envisaged and be able to make something genuine and valuable out of her life.

4. How do you feel being the Wordism Hero(Winner) of Falgun

This is such an honor to be chosen as Wordism Hero. I feel overwhelmed with happiness to have written something of value and that it got recognized. Sincerest gratitude for this!

5. Anything you want to say about who is reading this!

Life is too short to keep living in a society where we have to constantly fight for our rights, freedom and peace of mind for just being a female. At the end of the day, we are all just mere human beings and we should be able to live like a human being. Charity begins from home. Hope you realize this and take required actions from your side in this matter. Let’s all be together for humanity and for love towards each other.

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