“A numinous confession letter”,Kushmakar Shrestha, Runner Up, Magh 2074

A Numinous Confession Letter

Date- 7rd feb, 2018
Kathmandu, Nepal
Dear mom and dad,

Subject- “Regrets about the choices I have made.”

I, I remember the day when I fell off from the window of the third floor and how miraculously I survived the situation. Yes, It’s me mommy daddy, your worthless good-for-nothing son telling his tales and see how my experiences has changed our lives. Furthermore, I numerously had planned to get rid of the pressure of those burdens which I myself was responsible for. Similarly, I even had the courage to do several bad things but I didn’t’ as I thought life was so beautiful and so unique. So of course, I ran away from my responsibilities, walking through the middle of a forest like a lost beast in mind and guess what mom, yet still I wasn’t given up by your belief in that same statue which you pray for our protection every day in the morning ringing that annoying bell. The whole time, I could only think off you both crying in tears of blood and thinking how stupid and a sworn coward I was, and that was the exact moment when I realized how stupid and a sworn coward I was. So, everything started appearing in front of my eyes, mistakes, moments, happiness and everything that I had been through. Guess what changed me mommy?

Love, yes mommy-daddy love is what made my imagination go beyond imagination itself. I maybe too young or too stupid to understand it but love is natural, it’s destined to be with you forever in any form possible or is destined to awaken in you when the time comes. Similarly, I was visualizing all my decisions in the cold floor, in the cold winter of Magh in a train station of Patna, in Bihar and that was the moment of querencia for me. I laughed madly at the same thought which I drove myself two months ago. I can tell how stupid I was because the thought was,” Have you ever seen a rich hardworking donkey?” Nevertheless, nemesis awaits me now, but before that I have an appetence to fulfill before destiny takes you both away from me. I want you to experience the beauty of Sakura (Cherry blossoms), the beauty of artistic nature (The Grand Canyon), the vastness and mysterious universe (Stars form the Atacama Desert) and the food cycle (Africa). This all to tell you how pure my love is for you both and how happy I am to know that Satan’s gift of persuasion is just a tool of mind and the gift of forgiveness is a part of the almighty creator. I have indeed understood a lot and yes, I also have become one among the crowd of people who understands wabi-sabi.

You, yes you were the ones whose unseen and mysterious love awakened me of my stupid thoughts. Either its Shangri-La or it’s the Eden’s garden that one seeks, let me tell that the era of religion has vaporized it and yes, it’s because of the gift to differentiate things. When one is able to differentiate then peace is lost and if pure peace is true then religion itself vaporizes into the mysterious energy cycle. I went out thinking of becoming somewhat successful but returned being a philosophy nerd or that’s what I thought of myself but now the truth is that nothing else matters than love itself. It’s an era of yin and yang and the role of peace is played by love and religion is played by hope. And you know what mom; I’m a peace loving person and in the same time religious too. Ask why?

I love you, and yes it’s because of that simple reason and it will be the same even if the serpent’s persuasion comes around again. Yes, it’s too lame for a good-for-nothing teenager to speak words of wisdom or even poetic stuffs but the time when people will realize how the world is driven in just a string of wire then only will the true consciousness flourish.

Mom and dad, see how messed up my mind is but the thing is that, I have cried like a girl or even worse. I see how retarded your life is, yet still you choose to work hard for me even though I have not given the equivalent results. I will work harder and harder, even more than that donkey and yes, I’ll guide you through some of the happiness being a donkey and indirectly expressing how I feel about you both from the depth of the magic of my heart.

Yours Loving Son,
Kushmakar Shrestha


Question answer with Kushmakar

1. Tell us more about you.

I’m currently in the process of gaining knowledge and experiencing stuffs but I think of myself as nothing more than stardust but still, I’M AWESOME.

2. What was your thought when you apply to Wordism competition?

I had a feeling that writing maybe an area where i could accelerate my thoughts but the soul reason of how i found this platform was destiny itself. so anyway, i did ended up as a runner up which is indeed exiting to feel and to brag about later.

3. What are your dreams and aspiration?

I had a dream to a realistic hero. So as expected, I ended up getting beaten up badly by what life had to offer. So now I just want to stay as a cool person gazing the heavens with some hot chocolate by my side.

4. How do you feel being the Wordism Runner Up for Magh?

I feel like I have won a war against the gods.

5. Anything you want to say about who is reading this!

If you You, yes you are cooler than you think and you, yes you are not cooler than you think you are.

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